Insert SexyBack comment about Justin Timberlake here.
APPEARANCE: 5
I: I appreciate how his look has transformed since the late ‘90s! He was SUCH a tool back then. He looked like an albino mallrat with those tight, bleached curls and oversized jerseys and such. Thankfully, when he made his solo debut, he figured out how to work his look. I like him with his hair all buzzed off and when he’s dressed dapper in his vest and fedora. Also, he’s short, but his body is rockin’.
L: YAY! I’m excited to do Justin Timberlake. That came out right. I thought he was hot even back in the *N SYNC days with the bleached curly hair and the Nick Carter get-up. Of course, looking back at pictures now, he’s totally ridiculous looking. But now he’s total stud who’s well-dressed and fit, and I bet I’d dissolve into girlish giggles if I ever met him. Instead of picturing him naked to keep my cool (like that would work), I’d have to picture him in his yellow condom hat to remind myself of what’s what.
LOLOLOL
PORTFOLIO: 5
L: Justin Timberlake has evolved from being a boy band member in a Tiger Beat centerfold to being a true superstar. HOWDHEDODAT?! I’d really love to know how he blossomed from an *N SYNC dork into a talented performer respected by guys and gals alike. That’s practically unheard of. Now, musically speaking, he’s like a white Michael Jackson. How did he pull this off? Has it been scientifically proven that guys get laid more after grinding against some club ho to “SexyBack” or something? I have to know!
I: He has definitely achieved an almost impossible feat! The rest of the dudes from *N SYNC are crying in their pillows and Nick Carter is sobbing into his bag of books because none of them figured out how to gain the cred that JT did. I guess the guy has talent! I think *N SYNC disbanded at just the right time (don’t know whose idea that was) and JT went away long enough, and when he came back solo, he had the goods to back it up. Plus, he collaborated with cool people and dated hot chicks and no one can question his skills. Plus, his appearances on SNL were genuinely hilarious and impressed people who didn’t care for him prior to seeing it.
CHOICES: 5
I: Did he take Britney Spears’ virginity? BWA. I prefer him with Cameron Diaz over this chick he’s with now, Jessica Biel. Jessica Biel seems desperado to marry him and he’s just stringing her along, seeing how long he can get away with it. I’d like to see him dating a woman of color! Overall, he seems to have a good work/life balance and he’s not getting arrested or knocking people up. So way to go, JT!
L: He did take Britney’s virginity, according to tabloid lore! But I believe he acted maturely about it—he didn’t go on Howard Stern a la Wilmer Valderama. Ick. JT is classy, man! I think I remember in old Teen Beat interviews (or whatever you want to call that hard-hitting investigative journalism) he said he thought Cameron Diaz was so foxy, so I think it’s exciting he eventually got with her! He seems to be a monogamous dude who still has his fun. YES! I support him dating a strong black woman. Has he done a duet with Rhianna yet? They should, and then they should fall in love in the recording studio.
PERSONALITY: 5
L: I think JT would be fun, and I think he’d have fun too! I think he’d be both gallant AND goofy, and he’d wait for someone else to break the PC ice and tell a dirty joke before volunteering his own. LOL—I don’t know why I think that but I do. I can easily see JT doing any activity at the Ultimate Party, like Wii boxing or marshmallow toasting or charades. I appreciate how he’s game for any event. He’s such a good sport!
I: I love how there are so many fun activities at our party! The action never stops. JT does seem like a good sport! I like that he doesn’t take himself too seriously. And he really won over a lot of non-believers with his SNL performances because people got to see that he’s genuinely funny. He’s the whole package, man!
ROMANTIC POTENTIAL: 5
I: He seems to enjoy not settling down and I guess that’s okay. I like that he didn’t get married super young and start a family because he feels as if he’s LIVED SO MUCH LIFE already due to his early fame. I bet he’d keep it real as a boyfriend and I like the idea of being chill and casual with him OR fancy and doing something A-list because he can pull it all off. Do you think he’s good in bed? I say yes.
L: OH GOD YES @ JT being good in the sack. It ain’t even worth debating! I think he’s toat got skillz—He is sex incarnate, man. But what makes him finer is that he could pull off some good boyfriend deeds to back it all up, along with that ability to be monogamous! The thing is, the girl he’s with has to be the whole package too. He’s got so much going on, he needs someone to counteract that and make him pine! EE!
SUGGESTIONS
L: I can’t think of any suggestions! He seems to know what he’s doing. I’m so proud!
I: Another A+! And if you had asked me back in 1999, I would have never thought he’d have it in him.
FINAL GRADE: 25/25 A+
Filed under: A Tagged: | justin timberlake, nick carter, wilmer valderama
JT is still a tool. He is NOT a good looking man. Maybe a nice body, but you’d have to put a BAG over his head. Each of his facial features are either ugly, or nondescript-NOT what you say about a truely GOOD looking man. Funny how a person’s looks are more influenced by how POPULAR they are—sort of how all the pretty girls will think the rich doctor is “hot” even if he really looks like a dweeb. Tell me one thing, ONE THING that JT has done that is so great that he didn’t do with either a top notch producer or collaborator? From Cry Me A River , through EVERY SINGLE SONG that has been a “hit”, to his SNL collabs everything he’s done has been on the back of someone else. He’s a talented little pisser, but his GREATEST talent is knowing who to know and who to USE. The only thing he’s done on his own is his acting-and well, that proves my point-all by himself, he isn’t all that.
[...] then he shaved his head and STILL looked fine — I never say that about anyone! Except maybe Justin Timberlake but aside from that… I remember a random episode of “Blossom” where the doorbell rings and [...]