Foxy ’90s Heartthrobs

I: I’ve mentioned before that Ryan Philippe set my teen loins on alert. Well, he wasn’t the only one! Since we came of age in the 1990s, I figured we should glimpse some of the dudes that caught our adolescent gazes.

I’ll just get it out of the way now and mention Jonathan Taylor Thomas (JTT!!) so that you can go ahead and gag. I pined for him so hard! I wrote about him in my diary way too much, it’s embarrassing. I dug his haircut (don’t ask me why) and his tan-ness and he was the reason I watched Home Improvement. Don’t judge me!

L: I forget what I saw JTT in that filled my heart with such rage. What’s he doing now? I need recent pics. In short, I never enjoyed JTT—I think he seemed wimpy! And yet, I thought Jonathan Jackson was fine. Go fig! DUDE, he was the reason I suffered through godforsaken Tuck Everlasting, and this here is proof how lust can surely make a person go insane: for some reason, even though I knew it was a family movie, I still watched it, finding him so fine I actually anticipated some graphic nudity or adult situations to show up on screen. No lie!

I: I think it’s hilarious that you rejected JTT because of his WIMPINESS yet you (and I) lust after Taylor Hanson and effing Jonathan Jackson, who had the most ladylike, pouty pink lips you ever did see. But to each his own!

Peep this one: Rider Strong aka Shawn from Boy Meets World. First of all, that show was amazing, and secondly, I enjoyed his cut-up/bad boy/trailer park persona. He was always trying to hook Corey up with chicks. I wanted to wind up at a make-out party with him!

L: OMG RIDER STRONG, He of the Best Name Ever! Dude, you once said that when picking out boy bebe names, you have to pick something where the first and last name sound so good together they can rarely be separated, especially in terms of announcing a sexy prom date. “Rider Strong” is THE sexy prom date name! Don’t you wanna grope someone named Rider Strong in the back of the rented limo while your classmates sway to “November Rain” inside? Um, yes! But at any rate, he was very much the Steven Hyde of “Boy Meets World” only without the weed, all street smart and sensitive and from a broken home so he had to live with his motorcycle-riding English teacher. HOT!

You paved the way on this one, but I thought Ben Savage was super cute too, with his short-cut curly hair and boyish features. He looked short though, but probably because he was like TEN and hadn’t had a growth spurt yet. Perhaps I’d settle into a relationship with Ben, then get drunk and accidentally wind up making out with Rider Strong on his pseudo-parent’s motorcycle, and after a tearful, heartbreaking fight, Ben and I would eventually make up and get married. Best of both worlds!

I: I can’t believe you were hot for Ben Savage! He seems so unlike your type. Well, you know my allegiance is with his older, much foxier brother Fred whom I penned diary entries about when I was eight, but my Kevin Arnold phase was in the 1980s so I’ll skip him.

Because I had a framed picture of him on my nightstand, I can’t pass up mentioning Scott Wolf! He was a young Tom Cruise! And he was so fine as Bailey the alcoholic on “Party of Five.” He had dimples to die for, man. I straight up cut out a picture of him from Seventeen magazine and framed it like we were lovers. Oh, how I wish.

L: At first, I thought you meant Ben Savage’s brother on the show, e.g., Eric, the lovable doof with the floppy hair and sexy smile, and I was all YES PLZ! Gah @ Fred Savage. He had a squishy, doughy face. I liked him when he grew up and his voice changed though. Scott Wolf! I can’t stand that guy! LOL @ you having his picture FRAMED on your night table. Tell me you smooched it before bed!

I: We will just agree to disagree, man! But we can’t omit the brothers who were undeniably foxy — The Lawrence Brothers, particularly Joey and Matt. I thought Joey was so FINE on Blossom with his flannel shirt tied around his waist and his righteous hair. And then they had a show together that involved fixing cars which is always hot.

L: DUDE, I got all hot and bothered when Joey Lawrence’s poster popped up during Camp Nowhere — LOLOL some more at us watching that by our own free will and as, by definition, adults. And then he shaved his head and STILL looked fine — I never say that about anyone! Except maybe Justin Timberlake but aside from that… I remember a random episode of “Blossom” where the doorbell rings and Joey Lawrence is like, “If that’s a hot girl, send her up to my room, second door on the right,” and Blossom is like, “That’s the linen closet, dumb ass!” I might be paraphrasing, but I express the same sentiment when I say that if Joey Lawrence rings the bell, you know whose room to send him to.