Up for Review: JOSH PECK

Josh Peck — we look at the dopeness and the wackness.

APPEARANCE: 3.5

L: I want to ravish this boy! I don’t care that he used to be the
fatty on “Drake & Josh”; he is 100 percent FINE AS HELL now. He has a
hot smile that makes him look like a poor babe’s Jake Gyllenhaal, and
he had has sexy, floppy hair and wears suits well. PINE! I want to use
his back as a scratching post, and that’s on the real.

I: Say whaaaaa? Is this for real? I am reluctant to get on board here
because I feel like we’re scraping pretty low if we’re talking about
this guy! But I’ll buy in only because I’m sure I’ll want to talk
about someone equally D-list down the road and then I’ll force you to
participate. I don’t know what to think about him. I can assure you I
never have! I think he has a dopey face and Uncle Jesse hair.

PORTFOLIO: 1.5

I: Well. I am not familiar with his fatter days on this “Drake & Josh”
you speak of. But I have seen The Wackness and I thought it was
a really strange hybrid of Good Will Hunting and KIDS or
something. (BTW: Have you seen KIDS? I think it’s awful and
they should show it in sex ed classes to scare teens from EVER having
sex.) So does his resume end there?

L: I enjoy us being on such total opposite sides of this spectrum,
having completely different opinions about all aspects of this dude. I
loved The Wackness! To paraphrase Jerry Maguire, Josh
Peck had me at “How much you need?” At any rate, I was hypnotized, and
to know that he came from such innocent beginnings really intrigued
me. It is my hope he can hop over the line between serious indie
flicks and lighthearted kid fare—two varying genres, to be sure—at his
whimsy, but we’ll see. I want him to be Shia Laboeuf but without the
DRAMA!

CHOICES: 2

L: I think it’s sweet he’s BFFs in real life with his co-star Drake.
And in all seriousness, I also commend him for making a conscious
effort to slim down and be healthier. To have that will power is
really commendable. Also, he charmed me in his interview with Jimmy
Kimmel! He seems very approachable. AHH I has a crush.

I: LOL @ you commending his healthy lifestyle. According to Wikipedia,
he started out as a stand-up comic and that’s kind of fun considering
he was like, nine at the time. That takes charisma! Does he have a
lady love? What does he do in his spare time, just hang out with this
Drake dude and talk about the good old days?

PERSONALITY: 3

I: He seems like he’d be pretty chill and down for a good time. If he
was at our party, I’d spend so much time asking him a million
questions because I don’t have a firm grasp on who he is! And what are
his intentions with my fair London?

L: BWA—Why, I’m so glad you asked, man! I picture him being charming
and friendly, and I’m woo’d by his smile and EARNESTY; I’d bet he’d
ask sincere questions of the other guests and actually give a damn
about the answer. I also picture him not being self-conscious about
looking a fool or doing something lame. We could probably totally rope
him into wearing a lopsided Burger King crown and playing a game of
drunken Apples to Apples with us, and he and I high-five and bond over
how no one ever picks our nouns. And there’s this exciting tension in
the air all night: “Will they hook up? Won’t they?” Ee!

ROMANTIC POTENTIAL: 3

L: I can dig this scene; going by what I assume his personality is
like, I think it’d be a fun, sweet time. And I find him nice to look
at. And his sexytime scene in the outdoor shower in The
Wackness made my loins explode and is not something I’d be averse to reenacting. Yes plz!

I: Yes, he did appear to be hot in the shower. I just worry he’d say
dumb, stoner-y things and it would make me nervous. I don’t know.
Maybe if he just called me, we could get to know each other.

SUGGESTIONS

I: Stick out your arm and I’ll write my phone number on it! Then call
me and we’ll see what happens.

L: Keep hopping over the line between indie drama and family-friendly
fare. Do what you want!

FINAL GRADE: 13/25 F

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