Up for Review: JASON MRAZ

Jason Mraz writes catchy songs with charming lyrics and he’s probably one of those rare stoners who actually gets things done.

APPEARANCE: 3

L: I believe that J.Mraz wears hats well and looks good walking around in his underpants, wielding carving knives. Who else can claim the same???

I: I felt confused on the inside when I saw that picture of him in his Jockeys holding a butcher knife. I think I was more put off by his weird underwear than by the fact that he was brandishing a weapon. On the upside, I never expected such a hot bod on J.Mraz!

L: Yes, there was an element of unexpectedness to that picture. But the point is he’s surprisingly ripped, so kudos to him for keeping us on our toes. I approve of his overall laid back, comfy look — he was performing in bare feet when I saw him in concert (broken shards of glass be damned!).

I: J.Mraz has an admirable face and seems like he tans well. On the downside, he’s small so he needs to work on that.

L: LOL – what do you mean “small”? Like, height/build/penis size? You must specify if you’re sending him to the stretching racks or not.

I: He’s small all around! Wouldn’t you say so? He’s short and just kind of petite in general. I shan’t judge his penis size because you never know, man. There’s nothing he can really do about this deformity so it’s just a matter of finding a girl who doesn’t mind that he’s probably 5’6″-5’7″ and that he wouldn’t be able to reach that box on the top shelf, that he’d have to stand on a stool to put the star on the Christmas tree, etc.

PORTFOLIO: 5

I: His body of work is certainly admirable and non-offensive. He continues to be somewhat relevant, not over-the-top, but not slow to produce work, either. I think his voice is to die for and he’s got one of the most charming singing voices around. I think he’ll continue on doing more of the same without really burning out.

L: I agree with what you said re: his body of work. I can’t think of anyone who could passionately HATE anything J.Mraz does; he’s just so under the radar and his music is radio-friendly without being obnoxious about it. He’s universal! His lyrics also hint at a deeper, introspective side to him that belies his fun-loving outward demeanor, which is sexy. Multi-facetedness is sexy!

CHOICES: 4

L: He seems to keep a fairly low-profile — we’re not hearing about him running around with Tila Tequila like some people who obviously don’t know better.

I: Luckily J.Mraz seems to have a faithful fan base meaning he doesn’t have to promote himself left and right on stupid shit like “Deal or No Deal.” We don’t see him flashing his junk or falling down on the streets of Hollywood, or picking up hookers and such. However, he might want to consider settling down as he is over thirty and I don’t want him to wind up a lifelong playboy.

L: BARF @ J.Mraz on “DoND” or “Hollywood Squares.” He’s not a spokesman for any company, is he? He’s not doing commercials? I hope not, because he doesn’t need to! That would be un-Mrazy of him.

I: Tee. Well, you know how much I enjoy a hot celeb hawking his wares. But endorsing a product is not J.Mraz’s style. Side note: Have you ever seen that SNL skit where some dude is pretending to be Jack Johnson endorsing shoes that look like feet called JJ Casuals? And he’s sitting on the beach, strumming a guitar all, “JJ Casuals. Shoes that look like feet!” so that you can have the barefoot look year-round. Sigh. Anyway, J.Mraz could endorse something like that.

PERSONALITY: 4

L: For Personality, J.Mraz has totally got it going on! He just seems like a fun dude. If I had a bonfire party at my house, I’d totally invite J.Mraz over — he’d be A-list and crucial! And he has his own blog (which is probably not totally candid, but still) to let his fans know what he’s up to and all the introspective, spiritual thoughts he’s having, and that’s charming. Howevs — and these are some reasons why I’d dock Boyfriend points, too — I just can’t envision him sharing the spotlight with anyone else in an informal setting. And he’s like, too nice of a guy to ever be a truly good friend because he seems like he doesn’t have the time – he wants to be everybody’s friend. Does that make sense?

I: J.Mraz has the potential to be a spotlight hog but he’s totally the guy you’d want at your party. And then when you bring a new gentleman caller and you two talk after the party, he’ll be like, “I really enjoyed that J.Mraz guy. We should all hang out some time.” Girls and guys alike dig him!

ROMANTIC POTENTIAL: 3

L: But I think he’d be too much of a spotlight hog to be a good boyfriend! He’d be too busy entertaining people to know you got probs. And he’d be so busy making plans with everyone, trying to be everyone’s friend, you’d barely get any alone time with him. (Although I can see him being all into a girl and doing whatever she wanted to at first, but isn’t that a given for most dudes who are initially interested in someone?) As for potential bedroom skills, I’d bet he’d be super fun and into the Kama Sutra.

I: I hear your woes re: J.Mraz as a boyfriend. Like maybe when you’re alone with him, you’re worried he’s really pining to be somewhere else where he can entertain more people. He does seem like he’d have a bil friends and he was always trying to meet up with so-and-so for a jam session, and he promised he’d lay down some tracks with some other hippie and you turn into this girlfriend in waiting which we will not stand for! I think he’d be hot in bed. There’s a place where he’d be attentive! He passes the white cotton sheets test.

L: I’d bet he’s experimental and down for all sorts of crazy shizz in bed. And he’d be upset if you didn’t reach o-town, but after the roll in the hay, he’d go back to the party because he already devoted enough time to you! Everyone needs their turn with him! There’s just not enough Mraz to go around!

I: I can see J.Mraz waiting to do you until everyone has left the party. But it’s super late and you kind of wish you could be alone with him some time before 4 a.m., but he’s attentive and charming and you fool around anyway. And then he sleeps late with you in the morn. But as soon as he’s up, there are things to do and people to see! I feel he would be faithful, though.

L: LOLOLOL @ your J.Mraz post-party scenario. I hear that. Aww @ him being faithful. I guess he’d be a good boyfriend if you don’t mind sharing him with everybody else on the planet.

SUGGESTIONS

L: Maybe, as part of our suggestions for him, we can advise on how he can mask his shortness problem, like he can offer to give the girl a boost so she can put the star on the top of the Christmas tree and he doesn’t have to do it himself. And, in group pictures, he can be the one kneeling in the front or unobtrusively standing in the background on a rock. LOLOL.

I: Yes, yes, suggestions for remedying J.Mraz’s appearance issues should include picking up his girlfriend to reach things high up. She’ll think it’s playful, allowing him to shield her from the truth that he is pint-sized. He should always be one to volunteer to kneel down in front in a group pic so that people in the back can be seen. Good idea!

L: LOL – or maybe he should volunteer for either more close-up pictures or more faraway shots. I’m envisioning him alone in some artsy candid on the beach as he tosses a seashell into the waves, and it’s faraway — you can’t tell how short he is!

I: Yes! Or J.Mraz could require in his contract that he is constantly surrounded by people shorter than he. But that’s not his style because he loves everyone.

L: LOL – what if he just masked his shortness by dating a Jew?

I: AJDHSFHKH I support it! Then it’s not even an issue.

1. Try not to look so short
2. Find someone to love
3. Relinquish center stage at informal settings

FINAL GRADE: 19/25  B+

4 Responses

  1. Totally just randomly entered this site while I was doing my annual Jason Mraz search to see what’s going on with his life (I call it web stalking…).

    In my humble opinion, a 19 is WAAAAY too low but that’s because I’m biased and it’s been a life long dream of mine to marry Mraz. I just want him to write and sing love songs to me all day, the downside to this is that if we break up/divorce he’d probably write some song about that too.

    1. Awww…he’s not that short. I’ve seen shorter guys.
    2. Based on what I’ve read on interviews he seems to have a special someone. Here’s a quote from a previous interview “Because I travel so much, we’re not making any serious commitments. But if I were to settle down, she’s one of the first places I would look.” Adorable.
    3. Mraz can’t help it that people love him. I mean, he’s lovable. It’s one of his best qualities.

    I really enjoyed reading what you guys wrote and it made me laugh. I’m off to read about Justin Long(who I think is adorable). Are you up for some suggestions for some other dudes to grade?

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